Regression

"Whenever you can't have a debate, I often think that's evidence that there's a problem"
— Peter Thiel

A petulant child gets to host the most popular news debate show on national TV. Each day, his rhetoric gets pushed through to the audience who revel at the boldness of this brave child to say the politically incorrect popular opinion. This bespectacled child is their darling, their champion, their saviour and chief-of-facts.

The love and adulation for this screaming toddler should come as no surprise when you consider that the highest earning celebrity right now is an adjudged convict, and the highest rated TV show is about comedy skits with crude jokes and cross-dressing men.

Anyhoo —

What we should all do is calm down and write open letters to women...telling them what they should do with their lives. Patriarchy is dead. They need to be told that they are free.

The best fruit jams come in two flavours — Nationalism and Patriotism. While the latter is okay in moderation, the former can give you diarrhea if left open for a while. Best to avoid.

Seriously though, this government is doing a fine job. Not kidding. Leave your personal bias aside and indulge in some sweet rational evaluation. At worst, it is astronomically better than its predecessor. At best, it's better than Nutella. That doesn't mean you're banned from criticizing the PM or the ruling party though. That would be a crazy authoritarian state we need to guard against.

The political opposition is a joke. Which is worrying because stuff could go unchecked. At the helm, they have a bumbling pup whose last name rhymes with a popular web hosting service. If anyone I know ends up being responsible for giving that man or hosting service name the slightest notion of power, I will scream at them...and continue to respect the democratic process of decimation of this excuse of a political party. As left-center loving as I am, a party with senior leaders who suck up to sheer incompetence is the worst thing since the meteor drove the dinos extinct.

I've said this before around friends — this government is here to stay, likely for more than a decade. They are ticking all the right boxes. From the environment, to public welfare (insurance, pensions, etc.), to foreign policy. All cool.

Obviously, there are those among us with cognitive blind-spots who would never support a right-wing govt until their dying breath. Sometimes insolently called block voters. Sure, criticize every little thing about the govt. Sometimes, it really comes off as petty though. I'm no fan of the govt, and you'll find me complain too, but you have to give credit where it's due. The PMO does send out great emails to you each week. Unprecedented.

Before you accuse me of AAPtardiness (for whatever reason), note that I would like to see the AAP fall just as rapidly as it rose to power. This is no longer the party I intended to once support. I'm not embarrassed to admit I was wrong. At the time, it was a rational choice despite Kejri's serious drama queen tendencies. Now, without YogYav and PraBhu, and especially with Ashutosh in there, I want the AAP to crash and burn. This is not the liberal alt. left-center we deserve.

Grass-roots political revolutions don't happen very often. When they do, they need to send the right message. When Kejri shared the stage in Bihar with Lalu Yadav, that message became clear. And familiar! He walked into it after having admitted the partnership in Delhi with the Congress to be a huge mistake few months ago. For what it's worth, lets just wrap it up on a high note and wait until the next pointless "revolution".

I've stopped commenting on politics and religion on social media. I used to think the internet was "automagically" liberal. That as soon as people got an education, could read (English), and witnessed cat videos on Youtube, their hearts would melt and they'd stop caring about religion, ethnicities, borders, and strawberry-flavoured-anything. That it would turn everyone into the non-wife-beating John Lennon with an imagin-ation...ahem.

True to its cat-like personality, the internet would never do what you'd expect from it. It carries on to make people delusional.

So, desi internet logic tells us —

• Media
  • Paid Media — A relic of the 2014 election cycle, this nifty term can dissolve any hard facts into oblivion
  • Presstitute — Conferred upon a journalist who has published at least one article challenging your beliefs or understanding of reality. The title is retained forever regardless of future work
  • Journalism — A source or article that reaffirms your beliefs without bothering your head with pointless facts
  • Debate — Screaming match laced with rhetoric that aligns perfectly with the already established predominant view (that was better left unsaid)
  • Anti-establishment Journalism — Pandering to the establishment, offering to be their mouth-piece while appearing provocative once in a while
  • News — Twitter opinions of celebrities described with historical context
  • TV News — I can't even
• Politics
  • AAPtard — A person with views contrary to your own most commonly found supporting social or economic minorities. Person's lack of support for political party AAP shall have no bearing on the lovingly conferred title
  • Bhakt — Devoted to the right-wing, usually hate chicken-wings, get the worst ideas trending
  • Liberal — You write open letters and shit. Lots of free time on your hands, eh?
  • Pseudo-liberal — Liberal. Someone had some spare pseudo lying around
  • Dissent — A person expressing dissent is a deplorable, anti-national, army-hating, book-loving academic whose motives are clearly and sadly against the authoritarian state
  • Leftist — Reserved for the gravest of offenses. Major boo-boo. You may be highly educated, but you can't go around saying these things. In comparison, AAPtard is a blessing
  • Politician — (varies)
    If from previous govt. - corrupt
    If migrated from previous govt. to current - meh
    If currently in power - incapable of sin or folly
  • Secularism — Unless uttered by the BDFL or a non-desi when praising the country's unity and diversity, this is to be read as "Sickularism" followed by an expression of disgust
• Misc.
  • Patanjali — has a product for all your life problems
  • Art Of Living — trashed the ecology. Also took away my lunch time in college. Never forgive. Never forget. Pay up, scumbags.
• Society
  • Pseudo-intellectual — Intellectual, but not the cool kind. Always complaining about the salt in his coffee
  • Nationalist — "I was born in the greatest country in the world. I will tell you about my love for my country, complete with social media posts as proof. Can you? I'm proud to share the great facts about my country with you. Before my birth here, I carefully evaluated all countries and I consciously chose this place. My children pay taxes in the US to continue our rich heritage of giving wealth to the underprivileged.
    
    You chose this country just like everyone else. No whining now. If you don't like it here, get out. Also, repeat after me — Oh Armenia, Our Fatherland!"

Which brings me back to Nationalism. Read your goddamn history books of quotations by famous people attentively. Choose wisely — it has both pro and anti quotes. Or not. I don't care.

Could you stop participating in arguments with excuses and easy outs though? "You don't care about [subject-here] because you don't know what it's like.", goes the silly doofus before mounting his holy cow claiming moral high ground about:

• jawans laying down their lives
• minority religion problems
• quota/reservation in education
• female Tinder users

Before you think something has gone awry in recent years, consider that you're wrong. This yellow submarine is only surfacing now, but it has always been there. Your personal bias towards ruling "right-wingers" may blind you from the diverse but tribal nature of the populous. We don't really have the traditional left, center, right wings. Things are quickly shaping into issue-based loyalties.